About Me

About me? The whole idea presents an interesting, if not an entirely uncomfortable dilemma, for the question quickly arises as to just how much of my mental chatter I am willing to reveal here. I am a free thinker after all, meaning that I am not tethered to any institution, denomination, affiliation or association that would expect me to handover my mind. I will do my own thinking, that you very much, and if there is a price to pay for such an edict, then I will gladly pay and accept the consequences. Or as Stephen Dedalus asserted in James Joyce’s “A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man” when explaining his firm commitment to always remain true to himself, regardless of the cost.

“You made me confess the fears that I have. But I will tell you also what I do not fear. I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to leave. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake, and perhaps as long as eternity too.“

The reason for my reservation is that I am passionate about a variety of subjects and have thoughts on them all, but a few of which could surprise those who know me casually. I play my hand close to the vest, in other words, so threading the needle between Public and Private will be a challenge going forward here. As often happens though, I soon heard the distant echo from a childhood carton, ‘Popeye’, who would confidently boast whenever challenged, “I yam what I yam“, giving me a quick shot of confidence in this process. Yet that principle does not come without a cost. There will be consequences, either from awkwardly averted glances from casual friends who thought they knew me, or from a compromised and domesticated gaze staring back in my mirror. So, for the sake of honesty and authenticity……..here I yam!

A quick thumbnail sketch will have me admitting to being a ‘grey-hair’ and well into the last few chapters of this novel I find myself in. But instead of following the standard script, a curious thing happened along the way to ‘senior-hood’; the older I found myself getting, the younger I found myself becoming. To understand what I mean by that, let me provide an excerpt from an essay I wrote ten years ago titled “Defiance”.

“It’s no accident that when we’re young our minds are firing with curiosity, imagination, and tolerance. Then with age, a general malaise tends to settle in and the mind gradually finds itself unwilling to push on for new horizons. The optimism of youth fades as the soothing comfort of nostalgia begins to coalesce into a romanticized past. The young are idealistic and fearless, while the old often retreat into easily digestible conservatism………the fight begins here!”

And that fight continues.

I’ll skip the typical Bio information here because the only relevant quality “about me” with regards to this little endeavor is the chatter taking place inside my head. In fact, it is the only reason I have for doing this. Ever since those five shots rang out on December 8th, 1980, my mind has been on fire, and fortunately I had the good sense early on to document it, beginning with pocket sized note pads I carried with me at all times. There I would simply jot down my thoughts as best I could. I still have those note pads, in fact, and recently went through a few of them. It didn’t take long before becoming somewhat embarrassed at the preening profundities expressed by that young man. Yet it’s clear those early attempts at expression provided the white-hot embers that ignited the flame that still burns inside. I recently calculated the word count from all my various digressions over the past thirty plus years and discovered it approaching a half million words now, encompassing nearly 500 journal entries. I’ll simply hear a phrase, see a scene in a movie, hear a lyric or read a passage in print and suddenly sparks begin ricocheting around in my mind, which at that point means I have no other option but to dive into the thing to find the words to express it. The words are not always good, but they are always inspired.

As will be evident for those taking the time to indulge in this ‘mental chatter’, and for those who may need a warning before wading in, I am a free thinker, a sceptic by nature, not at all to be confused with a pessimist. There is simply nothing that I accept at face value, meaning that I lean heavily toward empiricism, or someone who requires good evidence. It’s only with evidence in hand that I will bring the best logic and rationale I have to offer before forming an opinion. As you may imagine, a direct consequence of this principle is that I do not believe in the supernatural. If some unexplained phenomena occurs in the nature world, whether in ancient times or today, then it will have a natural explanation. In other words, if it violates the known laws of physics, then I am not on board, which for me clears the space of a lot of intellectual foolishness. I am not one who finds comfort in squishy thinking.

Yet I am in love with words, with poetry, with literature, with the arts, with the beauty of nature, with minds that value science and freedom of thought. On a personal level, what I admire and value above all else is high conduct. Those who carry themselves with a repose of respect, dignity, open-mindedness and compassion. There is so much more to add in this painfully brief synopsis, but then that’s my purpose here.